While the NFL has lost several key players to injury this season including Packers’ RB Ryan Grant, Colts DB Bob Saunders and Broncos LB Elvis Dumervil, the league is welcoming back “The Three Stooges” who are returning after serving four-game suspensions.
Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger returns to his team joining wide receiver Santonio Holmes who is back with the Jets and linebacker Brian Cushing last year’s rookie defensive player of the year who rejoins his Texans in Houston.
Roethlisberger was serving a four-game ban imposed by NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell after accusations evolved accusing the slinger of sexual assault during an alcohol-filled night of partying in Georgia during the offseason.
Big Ben was never formally charged with a crime but with his meat staying in the news and giving the league another “black eye”, the Commish’ decided to sit him for a quarter of the season; citing the NFL’s “personal conduct policy”. Can’t blame Goodell when accusers are describing events that occurred in public on official police documents with lines like, he “came back with his penis out of his pants.”
Roethlisberger has been chomping at the bit, literally, anticipating his return and commented on the Steelers who have started the season 3-1 and occupy the top spot in the AFC North Division:
“I have no fingernails left. It was hard. . . to watch them at home [on television]. I was on the edge of my chair, trying to keep busy. It was tough, but it was fun watching them win.”
Ben should have salvaged those fingernails ‘cause after losing that bunch of millions, it may not be in his budget to do a full manicure by Sunday. He could always opt for a set of Lee press-on nails, they’re a little cheaper and if one breaks during the game, the trainer can always glue another on during a 30-second timeout.
Another “Stooge”, Cushing, 133 tackles last season, was the biggest name of the three linebackers suspended for performance-enhancing drugs at the start of the season after he was benched by Goodell for testing positive for a fertility drug called HCG. Although not an actual steroid itself, HCG can be used to hide steroid use and alter test results.
Cushing tried defending his test results saying he failed the tests due to overworking and excessive training but that didn’t cut it with the league so he was required to sit his four games out.
Cushing should have gotten another four games thrown on top of the first four just for thinking the league and fans are that frickin’ dumb! And I have a HUGE question here. . . fertility drug! What kind of shit is that!
On to the final “Stooge”, Holmes is most remembered for his highlight reel catch in the corner of the end zone that iced the Super Bowl win for the Steelers against the Arizona Cardinals a few seasons ago.
Star or not, Mr. Rooney, owner of the Steelers, wanted the player out so Holmes was traded from the Steelers to the New York Jets, a holding cell for other misfits around the league. Holmes, who has had several other run-ins throughout his young career, was suspended for four games under the NFL substance abuse policy. This weekend will be the first time Holmes is suiting up for his new team. They face the Minnesota Vikings on Monday Night Football.
BTW, the Steelers, Texans and Jets are all 3-1 without “The Three Stooges” and all three players are expected to play and possible even start this weekend.
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Used with permission of the author.
Jay Donetelli is a Tampa-based freelance sportswriter and contributor to Sports Climax. With an opinion sharper than an Ovechkin skate blade with the sting of an Ali jab, Donetelli has a loyal cult of readers who have found a way to love him.
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