What is the Guinness Book of World Records mark for most people coming to climax and having simultaneous orgasms?

Whatever it is must have been broken yesterday when NFL Commish Roger Goodell stepped up to the mic and said “Football is back!”

After months of a lockout, bitter negotiations and lawsuits, the NFLPA and league finally came to terms and are in agreement on how to disperse their $9 billion plus dollars over the next 10 years.

Here’s the scoop:

• Teams will start to open their facilities at 10 a.m. ET on Tuesday when the door is open to sign 2011 draft picks and rookie free agents. That same time also marks the right to make trades and begin conversations veteran free agents from around the league.
• Although verbal deals may be struck, no player may sign with a new team until Friday at 6 p.m. ET.
• Teams can report for training camps 15 days before each club’s first preseason game and here’s the league rundown below:

WED: Dallas, Baltimore, Seattle, San Diego, Arizona, Oakland, Denver, Jacksonville, New England and Philadelphia (this allows the Eagles extra time to travel to Brett Favre’s house and beg him out of retirement).

THURS: Atlanta, Kansas City, Miami, Pittsburgh, San Francisco, New Orleans, Washington, Cincinnati, Detroit and Tampa Bay (this gives the Bucs an extra few days to make sure all their offseason arrested players have been bailed out of jail).

FRI: Buffalo, Chicago, Cleveland, Indianapolis, St. Louis, Minnesota, Tennessee, N.Y. Giants, Carolina and Green Bay (gives the champs a few extra days to come down from their Super Bowl high).

SUN: Last and not least? Houston and the New York Jets (because it’s time to let Rex Ryan know just because he f***ing loves running his f****ng mouth off all the f*****ng time doesn’t mean anyone else thinks he’s f****ng special)

So NFL football is back and although part of Colts lineman Jeff Saturday’s comments included the words, “I don’t want to be over climactic…” he may not but everybody else seems to be.

Used with permission of the author.

Jay Donetelli is a Tampa-based freelance sportswriter and contributor to Sports Climax. With an opinion sharper than an Ovechkin skate blade with the sting of an Ali jab, Donetelli has a loyal cult of readers who have found a way to love him.

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