NFL nicknames ‘Holy obnoxious wideouts Batman!’

NFL nicknames. . . . so what’s involved with creating one?

Look at this recent Twitter tweet from ESPN analyst Adam Shefter:

“The two Panthers scheduled to visit our bus today are Smash and Dash, RBs DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart.”

This ingenious nickname derives from the power and strength of Jonathan Stewart matched with the speed and agility of DeAngelo Williams, thus giving us ‘Smash’ and ‘Dash’. However, as with any great nickname, there is some controversy involved.

According to legend, the nickname ‘Smash and Dash’ was originally created by LenDale White and Chris Johnson. Not wanting to give up the rights to the name, White renamed the two Panthers RB’s, ‘Identity’ and ‘Theft’. Obviously, Stewart and Williams did not approve of this new name and arguments ensued.

Are you kidding me? Are these four players seriously fighting over this nickname? ‘Smash and Dash’ sounds like something the ambiguously gay duo would come up with. I honestly would not be surprised if Ace and Gary went out on a mission as Smash and Dash.

Between ‘Batman and Robin’ and ‘Smash and Dash’, the NFL is starting to sound like a comic book. What happened to the good ole days when football nicknames were original?

A time when ‘Sweetness’ had nothing to do with your taste buds, when ‘The Refrigerator’ was more than a kitchen appliance and when there was nobody closer to the sky than Ed ‘Too Tall’ Jones. A time when NFL nicknames were pertinent.

During the 1970’s, we were introduced to ‘The Steel Curtain’. This name not only represented the Pittsburgh Steelers fierce defensive style, but it sent a message to all others in the league; if you try to get past us, you will fail.

The in the mid 80’s along came ‘The Monsters of the Midway’. This nickname also struck fear into the hearts of opponents and led the Chicago Bears to one of the most impressive wins in Super Bowl history.

But now it seems like that tradition is long gone. Today’s nicknames are generic and maintain no significance whatsoever.

For instance, let’s investigate NFL wideouts Terrell Owens and Chad Ochocinco. These are two of the most stubborn wide receivers in the league, both notorious for complaining about teammates (unless it’s Tony Romo). They have exactly zero experience playing together and as far as we know, neither live in Gotham City. So, how exactly does that qualify them to be named after the most dynamic duo ever, Batman and Robin?

The answer is simple; it doesn’t.

These two situations just prove that NFL nicknames are about as relevant as Nicholas Cage. I think it’s time that we revoke player’s rights to nickname one another, and we just start again from scratch. 

Unfortunately, Chad Ochocinco found a loophole…

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Used with permission of the author.

Logan Rhoades is a Los Angeles-based writer and contributor to Sports Climax. With an extensive knowledge of ESPN topics and celebrity gossip, he is known for mixing sports and pop culture to entertain his readers. Follow him on Twitter @loganrhoades.

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