Bitch Slap of the Week, Roger Goodell

For failing to have a structured fine system, and for sending mixed messages to the league, Roger Goodell get’s the Bitch-Slap-of-the-Week.

Mr. Goodell has pretty much always been a glutton for punishment, however, this latest crackdown makes about as much sense as a solar-powered flashlight.

Earlier this week, the Czar of Football swung his mighty gavel and declared that Cortland Finnegan and Andre Johnson were to be fined $25,000 for ripping off each other’s helmets and brawling in the middle of the game.

Hold up, wait a minute, let’s look at this a little bit closer and add some judgment.

According to Goodell, a fight with haymakers to the face is the equivalent to a person tweeting during a game. That’s right. Earlier this year, Chad Ochocinco was fined the exact same amount ($25,000) for sending an in-game tweet.

This isn’t the first time that Mr. Magoo has failed to see through his coke-bottled, clouded lenses.

In 2006, Terrell Owens was fined $35,000 for spitting on another player. In 2008, Clinton Portis and Sean Taylor were fined $5,000 for wearing red socks instead of white socks. In 2009, Titans owner Bud Adams was fined a whopping $250,000 for throwing the double birdie at an entire stadium. And just a couple months ago, Steve Johnson was slapped with a $10,000 fine for pretending to shoot off a rifle and Nate Burleson was fined $15,000 for punting the ball after a touchdown celebration.

So, after some deductive reasoning, one can assume that punching a guy in the face is approximately worth… nothing.

If we go by Goodell’s rules, it costs a player more to hock a loogie than it does to throw an uppercut to an unprotected face trying to inflict bodily harm. And apparently those throwing up a middle finger should expect to feel the strongest wrath.

The commissioner has no problem fining players up to 75K for tackling someone just above the numbers, but somehow has remorse for players duking it out in the middle of a televised game.

So what kind of system is this guy running? There really seems to be no system at all. The fines that Goodell is handing out are ludicrous and have no reasoning whatsoever. If he wanted to send a message to the league and its players, then he should have come down hard on Andre Johnson and Cortland Finnegan.

Now don’t get us wrong. we enjoy a nice boxing match as much as the next testosterone-filled sports fan, that’s why we go to hockey games, but if Goodell is attempting to clean up the NFL and set standards amongst its members, then he has completely failed.

Don’t be surprised if more athletes turn to fistfights now that precedence is set and the punishment is equivalent to a couple sock fines or Brad Maynard impressions. It’s even less than wearing a sombrero and poncho after scoring a touchdown.

By the way, Mr. Goodell, how does this hand taste? SMACK!

Used with permission of the author.

Logan Rhoades is a Los Angeles columnist and the Associate Editor of Jocks Behind Bars. With an extensive knowledge of ESPN topics and celebrity gossip, he is known for mixing sports and pop culture in the various columns he writes. Check out his blog and Follow him on Twitter @loganrhoades.

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